Thanks(giving)

Aka "guilting" my family into having an actual Thanksgiving meal!

You know how they always talk about "love languages" and how everyone has a different type that they prefer? I think the same holds true for families. My family isn't big on the grand gestures or presents, there are few effusive displays of emotions, and we're awkward with hugs. All in all, we're a pretty serious bunch when we're hanging out. But we are big on being there for each other. I know that no matter what happens, big or small, good or bad, my family will be there. They are genuinely my bedrock.

Now I'll admit to "grass is greener" syndrome in the past, watching my friends' families interact with each other with an easy, joking warmth that I admired. This was especially true when the holidays rolled around. While I'd normally never admit to fitting a stereotype, I do have to admit that I love (like heart eyes emoji love) the holidays like so many women. No, it's not about the PSL at Starbucks - please, I'm not that basic. For me, it's about the spirit - that energy in the air, the sudden kindness people have towards strangers, the willingness to forgive simple mistakes that wouldn't fly in any other month of the year.

And also, it's about the food. All the food and the dessert (dessert especially)! Being part of a vegetarian family, the "food" is hardly traditional, but I love the ideal of a family, both near and far, coming together to cook a meal and share it. My family, however, had never really done a full-on Thanksgiving meal, which is something I wanted to happen. Now I'm not one for manipulation, but you know, if you can't use cancer as an excuse to insist on a proper meal before the start of chemo, then when else can you?

And so my family acquiesced, with almost all of the responsibility of planning, shopping and cooking falling to my sister and a friend. I secretly think my insistence upon having pecan pie was what convinced my sister, not the cancer. Our love of pecan pie is probably what identifies us as true Southerners in that sense (let's leave aside the debate of whether Texas is really part of "the South" for now).

Mini-rant: What is it with the rest of the US giving those of us from Texas a hard time? It's kind of unoriginal at this point in time. Oh and also, can we resolve this question once and for all - yes, everything really is bigger in TX!

Back to food now! Actually, I don't have much else to say on the food. It was absolutely delicious and, more importantly, fulfilled a wish that I've long had. And since a picture is worth a thousand words, I refer you back to the picture at the top of this post. The lasagna pictured is the one made at our Thanksgiving and it was even better than it looks! I stupidly forgot to get a picture of the pecan pie, but I can assure you that it was equally delicious. I'm ever so grateful to my family for humoring my request despite it being incongruous with our modus operandi. And speaking of being grateful...

Thanks

I'd like to switch gears a little and take a moment to reflect (seriously) on everything I have to be thankful for. I was originally inspired to write this post because I wanted to capture a list of the many things I'm thankful for. Despite my cancer diagnosis, or perhaps because of it, I'm aware of how fortunate I am in so many ways, and just how mysteriously the world seems to work. If I reflect back, it seems like the world/fate/god/whomever has been preparing me for this fight for my life from the get go. I am therefore thankful:

- To have the family that I have; one where I never need question if I will receive support. And to have that family here in Houston, which has given me access to MD Anderson Cancer Center, one of the best cancer institutions in the world.

- To have previously volunteered at said cancer center as a teenager, which has given me seemingly intermediate level fluency in many things "cancer" (though the learning curve has still been very steep).

- To have made my way back to the US after living abroad for nearly four years, seemingly just in time to have access to doctors who could help me diagnose this.

- To have had the chance to live abroad for such a long period of time, which fulfilled a dream of mine that I've had for many years.

- To have been challenged in my way of thinking over the last four years, such that I was asking serious questions about what I really wanted in life. One such question had led me to the conclusion that I likely didn't want to have children. Having reached that conclusion on my own meant that I had a much easier time facing questions from doctors now related to my fertility options. Due to the aggressive nature of IBC, I was able to quickly make the decision not to to delay treatment in order to freeze my eggs. It also makes facing the reality that chemo will do irreparable and irreversible damage to my fertility easier to face.

- To be working for an incredible company - one of the few in the world that is really focused on making the world a better place and one that genuinely stands by its employees, come what may. The choice to remain steadfast is ultimately a reflection of the people that work there. And here again I'm so incredibly lucky to be part of a team that is enabling me to focus on the fight ahead of me. For those interested in learning about just some of the projects DSM is working on, check out this article written by Fortune.

- To have such amazing co-workers back in the Netherlands that they send me gifts to cheer me up and keep me motivated for the fight ahead (Amazon - what would we do without you?).

- And to be blessed with so many amazing friends who have offered to get on planes to visit, send me texts every day to simply let me know that they're thinking of me, and in general sending so many positive messages my way that all I can focus on is the feeling of being loved rather than worrying about what's to come.